(What’s wrong with being after one thing, anyway? How many things should you pursue?) It’s likely the age difference will matter more to others than it will to you, but it can be a pressure. Be ready for outdated references to cougars and toy-boys, or daddies, accusations you’re after only one thing. External forces can hinder any relationship but the language around age gaps can be heinous. I feel duty-bound to point out the pitfalls. Plus, if you’re not interested in conforming to your own generation’s expectations, like having children or staying in crap hotels, dating someone older can be a way out. Differences between you keep things interesting and it’s likely they’ll have different priorities: they may be more relaxed, more focused on enlightenment and self-development, or pleasure. This assuredness and confidence can be attractive.
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There’s a sense of security and safety from being with someone who’s experienced booms and busts, highs and lows, the ceaseless tides of life. An older lover can also act as a reminder it’s possible to survive the breakups, crises, and general fuckedupness of youth and still keep your head. Whether it’s nutrition, exercise, or someone called Bryce injecting your cheeks with loft insulation every April, age itself is becoming immaterial – physically, at least.Īlong with a frenetic ride, there’s wisdom to be had, although any Yoda fetishists may be disappointed by the sageness of the guidance. We’re maturing at different rates – often dependent on social mobility – and we’re not necessarily starting families at the same time as our peers, our career trajectories vary wildly. But the set milestones and behaviours of previous generations are being washed away.
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There are many advantages to dating someone at the same stage of life as you, it’s likely your experiences will correlate and there’s a good chance – yet no guarantee – you’ll be a close match on emotional maturity. Our online lifestyles mean we’re more likely to interact with different generations than we may have done, say, 20 years ago. Yes, it’s open to exploitation in both directions and there can be traces of fetishisation but most often, it’s just about finding an unexpected connection. The reasons we seek older partners can be complex, and specific to our own history.
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However, Harry has often dated older women, including the late Caroline Flack, fourteen years his senior, and current partner filmmaker Olivia Wilde, who’s 10 years older than Harry, and a divorced mother of two. To these less hysterical eyes, Shania and Harry’s duet looked like a popstar fanboying over an icon who clearly respected and adored him in return. At his second headlining show, Harry’s guest was Lizzo, 33 – while the pair’s interactions seemed more fraternal than anything, and Lizzo has found herself the target of hate because of her weight, there were no such concerns. Many Harry fans were horrified, interpreting it as inappropriate – even though the performance was clearly choreographed and rehearsed – and claimed an imbalance of power.
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See the reaction during Harry Styles’ first Coachella set when his duetting partner Shania Twain, 28 years his senior, made the lightest of sweeps across the singer’s chest, peeping out of a sequinned Gucci jumpsuit. We’re hung up on aesthetics, that old and young together doesn’t look right. Perhaps it would be better for everyone to admit their feelings around age-gap relationships are down to ick.